The Aftermath

We were told that we would receive the pathology for the tumor within 7-10 days of my surgery. But it took a lot longer than that. At my post-op appointment with one of Reichman's PA's at the end of September, he told us what they had found out so far.

My tumor is a Neurocytoma, which occupies about 1% of all brain tumors. Within Neurocytomas, there are two categories: A-Typical and Benign. Mine happens to be an A-Typical tumor, which is about 25% of that 1%. Because my tumor is so rare, it was sent before a tumor board, made up of oncologists, pathologists, etc., across the country. After a few more weeks of anxiously waiting, we were told that as of now, I don't have to see an oncologist, which is a huge relief. They have decided to watch it extremely close, with MRI's every 3 months until September of 2014, then every 6 months for a few years after that, then once a year for the next several years. We haven't been told if it's cancerous or not. But all of these things are really good signs and we are very hopeful that it isn't, and that it won't come back.

It has been quite the experience going through what I have.  But I know I am coming out of it better, stronger, and closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ, than I ever was before. 

As I was going through this experience, I would have these moments of waves of depression. It was so upsetting to me that my life had completely changed, and right when things were going great and life was getting exciting. There were so many things I was looking forward to doing, especially starting my senior year. I was trying so desperately not to be mad at my Father in Heaven, which was so difficult at times. I couldn't help but have questions like these running through my mind: "Why me?", and "Why right now?". Or, "What's going to happen?" "How will I cover up the fact that I am missing a great amount of my hair?" "What are people going to think?" "How long will it take before life returns to being somewhat normal?" "Out of all of the senior girls at American Fork High School this year, why am I the one who has to go through this?" I would just sit and cry as I felt completely alone and terribly afraid.

As I would wash my hands in our hospital room, and look in the mirror, I would cringe at the sight of my reflection. I asked my Dad to cover up the mirror with a blanket so I didn't have to face the ugly, bloody, stapled together, and mostly bald head of mine.

Over the course of the few days I was there, it got a little easier. I didn't mind seeing myself in the mirror as much, and I became more adjusted seeing myself in the condition I was. My mom sat on my hospital bed and braided the hair I had left each and every day. It felt good to have that small part of my old self with me still. I was amazed at how many nurses told me that I should just shave it all off. To start over, to start fresh. But I didn't listen to them. I couldn't imagine choosing to lose ALL of my hair, when I had the choice of keeping some of it. Looking back, I am so glad I kept what I did. And now I have quite the collection of hats -- 22 to be exact! :) Not to mention a pixie cut that's on its way! :D

Even though this trial has been anything but easy, I have taken great comfort in knowing of all the prayers sent up to heaven in my behalf by so many people. I know so many people have fasted for me too. I have felt of the power that came from both of those things and I have felt carried through this trial. It isn't over yet, but I know all of those prayers have been a huge part of why my recovery has been nothing short of miraculous.

Miracles. Believe in them. :)

I have also been blessed with some of the most incredible friends anyone could ever ask for. Along with my family, they have been a huge support and have been there with me the entire way.

 

A very close family friend gave me a card with this beautiful painting on it. 

It is titled, "Chief of the Medical Staff", by Nathan Greene.

In the card it says:

 

My Prayer for you

May you feel His presence and divine protection, keeping you free from harm.

May you sense Him guiding your healer's hands as He holds you safe in His arms.

"...for I am the Lord, who heals you." (Exodus 15:26) 

This painting touched me more than words can say. It means so much to me and I truly know the hands of my Savior were guiding the hands of my neurosurgeon as he performed my surgery.

"Gentle Healer" by Greg Olsen

I know that God lives. I know I have a Savior who lives and who suffered and died for me. He has felt every single emotion, and pain that I have experienced and He is the ONLY One who understands what I have felt. He is also the only One who knows exactly how to comfort me, lift me up, and bring peace to my soul. He is the Great Healer and through Him and His infinite Atonement, I can and will be completely healed physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I know Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I know this gospel is the only true gospel on the face of this earth and I consider it one of life's greatest joys and blessings to be a part of it.

With Love, Brianna